


The Things Walls Whisper

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Drama, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-08-14
Updated: 2006-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-27 13:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12081543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian sadly laments over his childhood, and just hopes his lover understands.





	The Things Walls Whisper

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

  
Author's notes: I always found it sad how everybody condemned Brian as an asshole when clearly he had a very unhappy childhood with issues that he had not worked through yet. So this is my response to that. Sorry if its a bit random. The POV is Brian, in sort of a loose drabble format. Pic is Paddies.  


* * *

 

You don't understand. Nobody does. How dare they call me heartless when they know what I went through? You have no idea what its like, to feel so hated and unwanted by those you love and look up to. The beating, well shit that’s one thing, but its that feeling you get...whether its disgust and disapproval or just complete and utter apathy. Its that emotional rollercoaster where they toy with you like a cat plays with an insect...just cruelly batting you around, but providing those essentials: food, shelter. You don't know what its like to have no sanctuary, because your home is the place that demons swarm. The things walls whisper. They didn't hate me for something I did or something I was...they just did, for no reason. You don't understand what its like to be little and have no idea why they hate you. Why are they doing this to you? What could you possibly do to make them love you? You'd do anything! 

  
But maybe you do understand. Maybe you do know what its like to love and hate somebody so much it rips your heart in pieces and drives you nuts... totally nuts. Maybe you know how hard it is to juggle the image of a person who loved you and was kind to you and you worshipped... with the person who can't accept or appreciate you... who ruins you. I know I tell you its different, because you still care....care about what he thinks, and if he loves you, but Justin I could never stop caring whether they loved me or cared about me completely. You see it. You see it in the way I am with you and the way I am with Gus. My only chance of keeping my sanity was to shut my heart down, and I am so fucking lucky...because you get that. You didn't when you were younger, but you do now. The only way I could survive was to pull the plug on my feelings, lock my heart in a box. I had to learn Justin, that what they gave me...what I experienced there...wasn't the only kind of love. Fuck I hate to call it love at all, but in their own really fucked up way I guess they did, as much as I hate to admit it. That’s what people do to you when they love you. That’s how they behave and make you feel. That’s what I learned. So...I'm learning again now...and its scary. Its hard Jus. Its so hard. Never doubt that I love you Justin...its so easy for me to love you. Its just...its hard to be loved back.[](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsjIBw1Ji9k)

 


End file.
